A Christmas Post: The Perfect Gift

I see "holiday trees" strung with lights and decorated with shiny ornaments.  I see wreaths on doors and lights everywhere, on street corners and strung around houses.  I see presents, lots of presents, more than most people need or want wrapped elaborately.  I see Santa Clause in the local mall with children standing in line, anxiously awaiting to tell this strange man all their desires. I see Frosty blew up in my neighbor's yard.  I find Christmas cards in my mailbox that are professionally edited.  I see holiday treats, candy canes, tacky sweaters, eggnog, peppermint mochas, and hot chocolate.  I see Happy Holidays everywhere I look.

What I don't see is nativity scenes or "Merry Christmas" because these things are no longer politically correct and might possibly offend someone's religious beliefs, which I don't understand.  I would take no offense if someone told me Happy Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.  These are all just merely greetings expressed with love to wish you happiness.  During my holiday, I celebrate Christmas, the time my Savior was born.  My life would be forever altered if God had not loved the world so much that he sent His Son to die for my sins.  I would not have hope, grace, mercy, or eternal life.  So even if you don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, the Great I Am, the Kings of Kings, you have to admit he was a pretty awesome person, the most awesome person ever in my book.  So if you are like me, and at times forget what Christmas is all about, here is a Christmas story about the greatest gift ever given, the greatest love story ever written:

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered.  This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria.  So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.  Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David,  to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child.  So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night.   And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.  Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

 “Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.”  And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child.  And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds.  But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.  Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

Luke 2:1-20

Merry Christmas (of course in the most politically correct way) to everyone out there! I hope you are filled with the joy of the season!  

Blessings in Disguise and First World Problems: A Thanksgiving Post

I saw a post on Pinterest the other day and it started my little mind to thinking.....

And you know we might just be.  I often see thanksgiving posts around this time, giving thanks for all the obvious things.  Blatant blessings that everyone can easily identify.  Therefore, I thought I would take 10 complaints that frequently come from my mouth and thank God for them.  You know what the Good Book says, Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

1. Traffic:  I have a car to drive, it works, and it is paid off.  Plus, when I drive to work I have all that extra time. ;) I mean when else would I call my friends if not when in the car? Now I just need to remind myself while I am sitting on I-65 for an hour and a half to get to work because there was a fender bender.
2. Politics:  I live in America. Period.  I get to say whatever I want, go to church wherever I please, and I get to vote to choose who I want to run my country (even if I don't agree with the end result)! I was astounded at a quote I read recently regarding greed in America in comparison to the other 210 countries in the world, "Americans spend more on trash bags than the individual gross national product of 90 of these countries.  Even more astoundingly, we spend more on eating out than the individual gross national product of 200 of these nations."  (Margin, Richard Swenson)  Confirmation that God does bless America, abundantly!
3. People Who Choose to Live Off the Government:  Boy, do I love to complain about this one, but thank God I can work.  I have an able body and can contribute to society.  I would not want it any other way.  Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people (Colossians 3:23) 
4. Nothing to Wear: Somewhere there is someone with holes in their shoes and no winter coat or worse yet no clothes at all! I have a closet full of clothes, multiple pairs of shoes, and several coats to keep me warm.  First world problems right here people!
5. Being Single:  I have the money and time to do a lot of things I probably would not have been able to do if I was married off with  a couple of kids.  In the last couple of years, I have seen the Rocky Mountains, bought a townhome, and sat on a beach in Mexico while enjoying an ice cold adult beverage.  The role of "single woman" is really not that bad most of the time.
6. My Job: I work with special needs children. It is challenging and depressing at times, but I have a job.  Many do not. The End.
7. Waiting: I wait in traffic, in line, on hold, for my future husband to walk into my life, to do work I should be doing, for my life to turn out the way I envisioned in my head, etc. However, waiting builds patience and God makes everything beautiful in its time (Eclesiastes 3:11)  Reminds me of a C.S. Lewis quote I read recently, "I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for them to wait."
8. My Age: Aging is inevitable, but it is better than the alternative.  None of us are getting out of here alive.  God has blessed me with 32 years and I hope I get many, many more.  I want lots and lots of wrinkles and time spent in rocking chairs on front porches.  Wrinkles go where smiles have been and I am learning life really does get better with age.   
9. Money: I don't have a lot and usually at the end of the month I have even less.  Nevertheless, I have money to pay my bills, put clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and more often than not I have a little money left over every month to do whatever I please.  Like the Good Book reminds me, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth........But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven......for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21) 
10. The Dreaded Internet:  Sometime I wished I still lived in that elusive time when there was not such thing as wireless internet, Facebook, Instagram, and data plans.  My internet is down, my phone is not working, there is no free Wifi?!?  What a blessing in disguise because we might just talk to people at dinner and gaze at beautiful things instead of taking selfies and filtered pictures. 

So, I am one of the luckiest people alive.  I am sure of it.   We all are.  Right now someone is praying for something God has already blessed you with.  A healthy body, money to pay the bills, a spouse, food, clean water, a child, a warm house, loving parents, a job, a friend, and the list goes on and on.  I wanted to end with one of my favorite pieces of scripture from the apostle Paul.  He had a challenging life, but always had a grateful heart, full of thanksgiving. Something this complainer really needs to strive for.

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  (Philippians 4:11-12)

Dating in Your 30s: 101

I am 32. I am single.  Did I think this would be my life as a little girl? No. I will say, I was never the little girl that dreamed of princess dresses, lavish receptions, and 10 bridesmaids.  Nor did I dream for a man to take care of me where I could stay at home with two babies on my hip.  I'll admit it, I don't notice cute babies in the grocery store and the mention of a "save the date" card makes me cringe.  However, I did think that at the age of 32 my life would look different.  I've been dating my whole adult life.  I feel like I have put adequate effort into the search, but something always seems to not quite add up with each of my boyfriends, and I've had a few.  The one who was your best friend; that one you haven't seen in years and you hear that song on the radio and you wonder what he is doing and if he ever thinks about you.  The handsome one; the one you liked immediately, the one you could never get enough of, the one you smile when you think about now. The one that spoiled you because he thought material things would make you like him even though he could tell you didn't.  The picture perfect guy; the one you really should have liked because there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, but you couldn't make yourself.  The one who broke your heart and makes you think twice about falling in love again; that one who didn't love you as much as you loved him.  I have had my fair share.  So the million dollar question is: How do you meet someone when you are in your 30s?

1. You have to make yourself go out on the weekends.  I love when my married friends tell me, "I don't see how you do that anymore!" Trust me, I would love to sit on my couch, order pizza, and watch redbox, but my dog doesn't talk back to me and that scenario isn't going to find me a companion. So, yes, you get lonely and you go out.  
2. Next, you have to find someone to go out with which is a chore within itself because all your friends at this point are married off with kids.  So you might have a couple of friends that are still single with disposable incomes (if you are lucky) or you go out with your coupled off friends that have yet to have children.  Being the third wheel, the fifth wheel, the seventh wheel, is always a desirable position! #NOT  It is fun at times, but when everybody gets to go home with someone at the end of the night and you don't, not so much.
3. Once you round you up someone to go out with, you have to find the place that people your age actually go so you can have an enjoyable time.  An enjoyable time does not include loud music and waiting 15 minutes for an overpriced drink.  Once you and your friend/s actually get out, I will admit the scenario usually goes like this:  You will have a couple of drinks and most likely no one will approach you, then you will go home.  Once you get home, you will take off your make-up then spend time analyzing your wrinkles on your face and wonder how much longer you have before you get gray hair and need Botox in your forehead to even give the impression that you are still young and viable. Let's be honest men in their 30s don't date 32 year old women; they date 27ish aged girls, ones that don't know the definition of crow's feet or thought about their biological clock.
4. So you are not having any luck with people approaching you out; therefore, your friends will suggest you meet someone at work.. That's a great idea for some, not for me.  I work with all women.  Seriously, three men work with me, all of which are married.  The next feasible suggestion would be go out with the girls for happy hour, you might meet someone! See you are forgetting, most of my work friends have children that they must pick up, dinner they have to fix, homework they have to do, sports practice, etc.  Happy hour is not a priority when you have  found your happily ever after.
5. Older people love to tell you to go to church to meet a nice boy  Actually, I do go to church, but no one has ever had a "Come to Jesus" moment and asked me out in church.  Usually what will happen is you will walk in and the usher will ask you who you are meeting.  (Thanks for reminding me I'm alone!) Your response: "No, I'm not meeting anyone."  Word to the wise once they figure out you are single, they will sit  you in the most awful place in the whole sanctuary.  I guess couples or families only get to sit on the aisle and in the back.  You're single?  Let's give you a seat way up in the front and in the middle of the pew.  And don't even try to got Sunday School or Bible study.  You're too old for the "young professional" group when you are in your 30s, but you can't go to any of the 30s groups because they are all for married couples! I literally searched for a Sunday School on my church's website the other day and came up empty handed! I put in my age and martial status in the search engine and it responded with "no results".  So basically, if you are in your 30s and single in the Bham area, good luck!  You're better off studying the Bible at home.
6. Go on a blind date.  They are horrible, but it is an option.  My blind date stories are too hilarious and many to even mention, but I have to tell one.  I ran into a guy that I had  unsuccessfully went on a date with a couple of weeks ago at the same bar, with the same outfit on, with another girl basically sitting in the same spot approximately one week after we went out.  As I walked to the bathroom, I just shook my head and smiled.  He will forever be known as the "date outfit guy".  Though, the best is when one of your friends tries to set you up with someone that they themselves would never go out with, but they think y'all would be the perfect match. #ohplease  Just because I'm getting older doesn't mean anybody can fill the significant other position.
7. Last, but not least online dating.  You will be at your house on a Sunday afternoon, by yourself, probably torturing yourself by watching some Hallmark Channel or Lifetime movie where everything turns out perfectly and you will see the commercial.  You know the one.  The one where the handsome couple looks like they are having a great time on their date.  You think that could be me and you join as you think about all the things you and your new boyfriend are going to do on Sunday afternoons.  The reality is there are a lot of normal people on online dating, but a lot of crazy people too.  A couple of weeks ago, a 63-year old man sent me a message with only one sentence, "You look delicious".  I vomited a little bit in my mouth.   A) You are old enough to be my grandfather. B) You are overweight and have a mustache which is gray. 3) You live in the middle of nowhere Mississippi.  Nothing about this scenario makes sense.  Needless to say that is why they make a block feature. 

I read a quote recently that stated: "Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it."  So what do you do in the mean time when you're walking alone?  You go out on Friday nights and drink $9 glasses of wine, you go to Target and TJMaxx and buy all the things you really don't need, you spend time with your parents, you read the Bible more, you go to nice restaurants and buy $25 entrees and dessert just for good measure, you help out your friends, you stay out late on Saturday nights, you buy Starbucks lattes, you celebrate with your friends when they find their mate, you throw baby showers, you put extra money in the offering plate, and you take vacations and trips even if you have to go by yourself to see things that take your breath away.  This life is so full of beautiful things I have yet to see and people that I have yet to meet.  So while I do have a little extra time and money in my pockets, I'm gonna do as much as I can because one day maybe I won't.  All you can do is lay down at night, say your prayers, and have faith that somewhere there is someone that is also wondering where you are, waiting for you to walk into their lives.

My Religion is Better than Yours

When I scroll through my Facebook feed I often see the piñata that everybody likes to hit, Pastor Joel Osteen.  I have occasionally watched Joel Osteen sermons and read several of his books.  Are they deep theological studies? No, not by any means.  I realize them for what they are, self-help books.  Books that focus on positive thinking and choosing joy versus self pity and hopelessness.  I read an article recently from a fellow pastor revealing his thoughts on Osteen, "There are worst things than being happy and encouraging."  Yes, there are I thought to myself as I chuckled.  Our God is good all the time, and as the scripture points out multiple times he wants you to fulfill your purpose and live life to the fullest.  So Mr. Osteen doesn't miss the mark completely when he says God wants you to he happy.  People just confuse what "happy" means which isn't "prosperity", a big house, immediate gratification, nice things, and answered prayers (typically in the fashion that we planned out in our head).   To live a true Christ-like life one must suffer, just like Jesus, to be the person God intended them to be.  I know I will have trials and periods of suffering in my life, but that doesn't mean God is punishing me or forgotten me. Nor do I believe when I am good, God rewards me with material things.  I attempt everyday to be good person because of what Jesus has done FOR ME.  I am forever in his debt.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

The Gospel and religion are not one in the same.  The Gospel is what Jesus Christ did for you so you could have eternal life.  The Christian religion is just how you choose to recognize and celebrate that fact.  You might sing hymns acapella in an old church, you might say prayers in unison, you might raise your hands while you listen to contemporary music played by a full band, or you might sit by yourself on Sunday morning and read your Bible.  Worship is all those things, so which one is right?  ALL OF THEM.  I just wish people would stop questioning the way people choose to worship and celebrate people coming together to praise our Heavenly Father.  We are all his children, how we quickly forget and point the finger....  I don't like Joel Osteen, he preaches that "prosperity gospel".  I don't like Joyce Meyers, she is a woman and should not be preaching the word of God.  I don't like this church because they have contemporary music and meet in an auditorium.  I don't like TV evangelists.  You shouldn't christen you child; God only accepts people that have been fully submerged in water.  You should take communion every Sunday.  Women should be submissive at all times. Don't go to church there because they let homosexuals attend.  And the list goes on and on..... 

We cannot see the forest for the trees. Stop worrying about others and rejoice in the fact Jesus came to save us all.  That's right, anyone and everyone.  All those that are burdened and need rest.  Even those "horrible sinners", which in case you have forgotten is every one of us. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)
Stop worrying who is praising God the correct way.  "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20).  So you might not like TV evangelists, but what if just one non-believer turned on the TV and heard a message and decided to accept Jesus Christ into their hearts or decided to go to church the next Sunday.  Would it not all be worth it so that one extra person is given eternal life or would we still be worried about the motives of the person preaching the message?  Reminds me of a parable Jesus taught from Luke:

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

I would rather be the redeemed sinner myself....

10 Things Every Yankee Should Know Before Moving to the South

1. We do assume you are from "The North" if you grew up anywhere outside the southeastern United States.  It doesn't matter if you are from Michigan or New York you will be lumped with the rest of the Yankees in the territory called "The North". 
2. You can pretty much say anything about someone and just add "bless their heart" and you are still being nice.  And being nice is treasured in the South.  We don't like when people are blunt, brash, or brazen.  We would rather you skirt the topic or tell white lies to avoid hurt feelings.  I mean you catch more bees with honey, right?  If you are the aforementioned characteristics we will call you ugly names (i.e., bitch) behind your back most likely, but we will add he/she is probably just that way because they grew up in "The North".
3. We call everyone "ma'am" and "sir".  It's not to offend you and make you feel old.  It's polite and respectful.  Therefore, don't tell southern children not to call you these names or you will get eyes from their mother. 
4. You need to pick a team.  We don't care if you don't like football.  We do.  Men and women alike count down the days till College GameDay plays that first Saturday.  You are going to pick an SEC team and then be prepared to discuss what your team did on Mondays at the office.  And don't you dare schedule an event (unless it is a football party) during a big conference game.  That is unless you don't want anyone to come and the people there to be constantly checking their phones for the score.  If you MUST have an event during football season please have a television with the game playing for everyone's viewing pleasure. 
5. If you are invited to a Thanksgiving dinner and asked to bring dressing, don't bring stuffing.  They are different.  The biggest difference being dressing is good and stuffing is not.
6. Please don't tell me my accent is "cute" and ask me to speak on cue.  And since we are talking about accents, don't assume my accent makes me stupid, backwoods, uneducated, or racist.  All people in the South are not racist bigots.  I know this might be a big surprise to some, but all the racist people in the country do not huddle in the southeastern United States; they are all over this country.  In fact there are probably more in NYC than in rural Alabama.
7. We like most things monogrammed.  So if you are asked to bring a gift to a shower or party if it is monogrammed you will most likely win brownie points.  
8. There are terms you need to learn and incorporate into your vocabulary.  The main one being y'all which refers to more than one person.  If you use terms like "you guys" we will call you out.  Another is "fixing to".  I will use it in a sentence, "I'm fixing to run to the grocery store."  It means an event that is about to occur in the immediate future.  Here are just a few colloquialisms you might hear around the South with explanations when necessary:
• Wild as a buck
• Mad as a wet hen
• Her crow is always the blackest (someone who brags)
• Lord have mercy (This one can be used in various situations.)
• That dog won't hunt (something that is bound to fail)
• Full as a tick
• Living high on the hog/Walking in high cotton (someone who is wealthy)
• I'm sweating like a whore in church
• He wouldn't hit a lick at a snake (someone who is lazy)
• Raked over the coals (chewed out)
• They got into a "fisticuffs" (physical fight)
• He's "sweet on you" (someone who has crush on someone)
• Rode hard and put up wet (someone who has had a hard life or just exhausted)
• That's about as useless as tits on a boar hog
• You can get glad in the pants you got mad in
• He doesn't have a pot to piss in
• I laid out all night (someone who partied hard)
• Give me sugar (kisses.)
• I had to go around my elbow to get to my thumb (The longest/hardest way to do a simple task.)
• Crazy as a pet coon
• I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays
• I've known you since you were "knee-high to a grasshopper"
• The devil must be beating his wife (It's raining while the sun is shining.)
• I am about to jerk a knot in your tail
• How's your mama and 'em?
9. There will be food that you might not eat in the "The North" because it is "bad for you".   The one thing about the South is we realize food is one of life's best pleasures.  We eat carbs without shame.  Cornbread, grits, and biscuits are staples.  We fry fish, chicken, even the chicken's livers, and bologna, which don't knock it till you try it.  We drink SWEET tea and Cokes.  Which reminds me we use Coke as a blanket term to refer to any kind of soft drink (i.e., Pepsi, Mt Dew, Dr. Pepper, etc.)  Don't worry we eat vegetables too, even though they might be slow cooked all day on the stove with ham and bacon.  Casseroles are also a staple and most women have a casserole case which is most likely monogrammed. 
10. Last, but not least, lots of people own guns down here, most for hunting purposes.  So don't tell responsible, hard-working citizens your views on stricter gun control, that is unless you want to get yourself into a hot mess.

For more information about the South watch the video below. :)

10 Things "Ain't Nobody Got Time For"

1. Kanye West Do I really have to even explain myself?  No one thinks you are a genius or wants your opinion so please shut your mouth sooner rather than later.  Every time you give him the benefit of the doubt, he proves you wrong and yet again confirms he is a raging asshole.  I mean he is marketing "leather jogging pants" for God sakes?!  Need I say more.   
2. Gender Reveal Parties Let me explain myself before I make all my child bearing friends mad.  I just attended a gender reveal party for one of my best friends. (Sorry, Shea!)  It was fun, and I did anxiously await to find out the gender.  Nevertheless, these parties are still completely unnecessary and a waste of money.  A work friend told me someone in her neighborhood had a gender reveal party that involved a helicopter?! I might eat my words, but if I ever become pregnant and have a gender reveal party, slap me in the face.
3. Save the Date Cards  Since we are talking about a waste of money, stop sending save the date cards to remind me about your wedding.  They already have a "save the date card" it's called an invitation.  You know the thing you send out 4-6 weeks before the wedding?
4. Spoiled Children  I work with children on a daily basis and I am amazed how disrespectful children have become.  When did it become acceptable for children to talk back and tell their parents what they are going to do?  Apparently, now it is OK for a child to slap, kick, hit, spit in my face, etc. and the response to be laughter or "See how he/she does?"  Yes, I see how he or she does because you chose not to parent your child.  If I spat in someone's face as a child, my ass would have been jerked up so fast there would have still been saliva on my face.  Get it together, America.  Teach your children manners.  I don't care how you do it.  And for that matter stop over indulging them; your 6 year old doesn't need an iPhone.
5. Obamacare I mean even if you drink the Obama Kool-Aid you have to admit that Obamacare was and is a hot mess.  But don't worry I'm sure Mr. President will work out all the kinks because everything the government runs works out  fantastically.  Right? :)
6. Sarah Palin  Is she still even relevant?!  Don't you feel foolish America? You almost elected this woman vice president who went on to have a reality television show about living in the wild in Alaska.  I remember Tina Fey once said, "I think she is a little bit smarter than me and that's just not good enough."  Please talk all your colloquialisms back to Alaska for good.
7. Organic Food  "I only eat grass-fed beef.  I can't eat gluten.  I only eat organic vegetables."  Organic food is the new black. Did you know Stanford University actually did a study that confirmed there was actually little health benefits from eating organic foods?  It can be found here .  If you want to pay twice as much for food that doesn't have any more health benefits than conventional foods, go ahead.  I ain't got time for that.
8. Decaffeinated Coffee Unless you are over the age of 60 there is no need for this.  If you don't want to drink caffeine then don't drink coffee.  The caffeine is the best part!
9. People Who Still Think Guns Kill People  If you took all the guns away in the world people are still going to kill people.  People are sick or evil and do horrible things; things that are hard to understand.  However, taking away guns or tighter gun control laws are not the solution.  I mean do you think the inner city gang member that has a semi-automatic weapon purchased it legally at the local  gun store?  If so, I ain't got time for you either.
10. Voicemail  If you leave me a voicemail.  I won't check it.  It will sit in my phone until I decide to do a mass delete in which I probably won't even check it then.  All phones, well almost all phones, have caller ID now.  I see you called and will call you back; no need to leave me a voicemail to "call you when I get a chance". 

Hope everyone has a good long weekend! Happy Memorial Day!

The New Entitlement Generation #SCARY

I read an interesting article in the New York Times recently detailing Appalachia's progression since Lyndon Johnson declared a "War on Poverty" in the United States which can be found here The article states about 85% of the areas in in the US that have a greater than 20% poverty rate are rural, so not all poor people huddle in the inner city.  The article notes these areas are "clustered in distinct regions: Indian reservations in the West; Hispanic communities in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas; a band across the Deep South and along the Mississippi Delta with a majority black population; and Appalachia, largely white, which has supplied some of America’s iconic imagery of rural poverty"

I currently live in the Deep South in a metropolitan area.  However, I grew up in a very rural area.  You had to "go to town" to get anything which was approximately 15 minutes away.  I lived down a dirt road, but I never experienced poverty or anything close to it as a child.  However, I get to see poverty on a weekly basis at my job now.  I work in a pediatric diagnostic clinic that sees children from all  over the state, rural and urban areas alike, and I see a variety of children; many situations that would break your heart. I see children that are dirty and hungry.  I see foster children; children that have been taken away from their biological parents due to neglect and abuse.  I see children that have drug addicts for parents.  I see children that their parents have signed over their parental rights for reasons as simple as "I need to get my life together".  I see parents that have taken their child to me in hopes there would be "something wrong" with them so that might possibly get "a check".  To sum it up I see poverty;  and quite often I see families that have made a living off "living on the government".

When I first started my current  job this infuriated me.  For example, I would see an able bodied mother supporting her family with a disability check that would come to my clinic with a Michael Kors purse, a brand new iPhone, and a freshly pair of manicured nails.  I can't afford that, and I work 40 hours a week.  Something isn't right here?!  I couldn't understand these parents' actions.  Then one day it dawned on me because that is what they have learned from their parents.  They just do not know any better.  Their parents didn't work to earn a paycheck.  Their mamas and daddies taught them how to live off the government just like my parents taught me I was only entitled to what I earned.  And as I have learned you can get a disability check for quiet a few ailments such as high blood pressure, sleep apnea, diabetes, or back problems, just to name a few.  These people don't realize that other people work so they don't have to.

So do all the Americans receiving assistance really need it? That's the million dollar question.  My personal experience is that some people I encounter do, but a lot of people I see don't.  Government assistance was intended to be a temporary fix to help people get back on their feet not a permanent lifestyle.  Disability was created for people who truly have significant medical, mental, and cognitive deficits that prevent them from working, not high blood pressure for goodness sakes.  My mother taught elementary school for 25 years with high blood pressure!

Government assistance is always a touchy topic.  Usually there are no gray areas when it comes to this issue; it is strictly black and white.  Either you think everyone should be equal (no one should be extremely wealthy) or you don't want to help anybody (you think everyone is lazy).  As I grow older, and less and less fond of politics, I realize my views don't line up with really any political party, so I guess I would be an independent.  I am of the party if it doesn't affect me or my money then I don't have a problem with you.  Social issues are a waste of time to contemplate; people are always going to do what they like.  I might not agree with what you do, but you're still going to do it.  We live in a glass house of political correctness now.  The thing about it is anything that falls under the umbrella of social security or government assistance is messing with my money.  I am not in favor of wealth distribution at all, under no circumstances.  Let me clarify, I am a Christian person so I personally believe to whom much is given, much is expected. I believe you should share your blessings with others, but that is my faith not my government. It is not the government's job to take your money and spread it about as they see fit.  I don't care what "issue" they are using it for because there is a lot of other things the government is using my money for that I don't agree with besides government assistance programs.  Secondly, I don't think the government manages money very well.  Would you give to a charity that you thought was wasting your money?  Of course not.  Lastly, if Millionaire Joe down the street hoards all his money; I agree with you that isn't fair, but guess what life isn't fair.  We can't  all live in a fairy land where everyone is happy and satisfied with their life and their paycheck all the time.  There are always going to be rich people that spend money frivolously, ALWAYS, and I'm not one of them which sucks!  But instead of worrying about the "1 percent", let's worry about ourselves and what we can do to better ourselves.  I wish I made more money too, but I don't expect the government to provide me with an additional paycheck.  I don't expect the government to take money from someone else because they just have "too much".  Entitlement is the absolute worst characteristic, and America is filled to the brim with it; hopefully by the time I reach retirement the government will not have spent my social security.  Maybe I should start saving more now......

Nevertheless, I am grateful I have a job and the capability to work.  I will end with one of favorite quotes from Thomas Edison: Opportunity is often missed because it is dressed in overalls and looks like hard work.

Hope everyone has a good week!

Is the "Modern Day Feminist" Beyonce?

I scroll through my Newsfeed and see Beyoncé gracing the cover of TIME magazine's 100 Most Influential People donning a swimsuit or lingerie, hard to tell.  TIME, really?! I am not saying she is not influential, obviously she is.  I just don't really think her influence warrants a cover.

People always report Beyoncé is a "modern day feminist"  My ass! (pardon my French)  Beyoncé is an entertainer that performs wearing scantily clad outfits.  Don't get me wrong.  She is an amazing singer and dancer, but her whole career is based on her image, largely her physical beauty.  And she is beautiful, in fact a very small percentage of the population is as beautiful as she.  No one values Beyoncé for her personality, her good deeds, her grace, her intelligence. She is selling her sexuality and she is doing it willingly.  Her new album has multiple songs depicting graphic sexual scenarios.  She is preaching a message: It is perfectly fine to objectify yourself, as long as you are the one doing it.

Beyoncé did you know you are teaching young girls that physical beauty is of the upmost importance?  Did you know your lyrics are teaching young girls that their value should be placed on what they can do sexually for a man?  I am sure your little girl will be so proud to know about your sexual escapades with her father when she gets old enough to listen to your "highly acclaimed" album as you specifically describe "surfboading" Jay-Z. 

If you have you not heard the songs that they play on the radio constantly, let me give you a sampling of some lyrics:

Partition:

We ain't even gonna make it to this club
Now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f***
He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinski'd all on my gown

Take all of me
I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like
The kinda girl you like, girl you like
Take all of me

Yep, she is influencing people, but she is about as feminist as Miley Cyrus in my book.  When did confidence in women become interchangeable with sexually open? America when did we decide to applaud young, naïve girls for promoting sexuality?  When did it become perfectly fine to call these women feminists?  I don't blame Beyoncé or Miley Cyrus for doing what they do. They know sex sells and they are selling it to the fullest extent.  It's American pop culture's fault, and America really needs some work, DESPERATELY. 

So what does the word "feminism" mean?  According to Webster, "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes"  Therefore, these women promoting sexual objectification under the umbrella of "feminism" are in fact pulling us backwards.  Reminding men that we have very little to offer other than "pretty faces", boobs, and sexual gratification.

So Beyoncé I will not "bow down" to you as you so elegantly stated in the your song "Bow Down Bitches", instead I will choose to celebrate women who are educated (whether formally or self-taught), women that are good, kind, and put others before themselves.  Women that are humble.  Women that are compassionate.  Women that I see in my every day life that work hard to better themselves and their families even when all the odds are stacked against them.  Women that are beautiful on the inside and out. 

I don't have a daughter, but if I ever do  I want her value to be placed on her character, intelligence, and how she treats others.  So ironically enough Beyoncé you are hindering my future daughter and daughters across America from "running the world".

  

The Most Important Man in History Died Today

The most important man in history died for me today.  He died for you too.  A horrible death.  He was beaten beyond recognition, mocked, ridiculed, spat on, and made to carry a cross that later his body would be nailed to.  He hung on that cross dying for hours before his Heavenly Father took him home as he sighed his last words, "It is finished."  WOW.  I don't know another person on earth that loves me that much, and I am confident that I won't come across one either.  I am reminded of a C.S. Lewis quote, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” We weren't made for this world.  This world full of hurt, pain, and suffering.  We were made for much more, but sin crept into all of our lives and continues to on a daily basis.  We lack compassion for others, we are thoughtless with our words, we are selfish, we don't think about our actions and how they affect anyone.  We crave personal comforts and happiness.  We close our eyes to things that don't line up with "our world", "our values".  Things we can't understand.  Thankfully, God never closes his eyes.  He sees the pain and suffering in this world.  I believe in God even when he is silent, because I "know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28)

Good Friday is when Jesus was crucified on the cross.  I am sure Jesus dreaded this day.  He knew his purpose and he knew what he had to do, but I am sure he didn't look forward to his purpose being fulfilled.  Can you blame him?  I weasel my way out of God's will a lot.  I make excuses for my behavior and promise to do better.  Thank goodness his mercies are new every morning! However, Jesus knew he had to die whereas we could be forgiven so we could spend eternity in Heaven.  We are not talking about being called to minister here; his purpose was to save all of mankind.  No weaseling out of that one.  And I am sure glad he didn't! Now I can stumble and fall, make mistakes, and I can receive God's mercy.  His mercies never end. 

Now I'm not necessarily promoting sinning all week long then asking for forgiveness on Sunday, and I don't think that's the message the Messiah taught either.  I reminded of a quote I read once, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car." However, I think when you really accept Jesus into your heart, your actions, words, your overall demeanor toward your neighbor, the way you choose to live your life will change from within.  Sin becomes unattractive because you are now living with a different purpose.  If you feel the hole in your heart with Jesus, there is little room for greed, addiction, or material things.  Don't get me wrong I spend money on material things and sometimes have a drink on a Friday night too, but I realize these things are not why I am here on earth.  I am here to love others, to show kindness and compassion to others even if it is in small, insignificant ways.  I know God recognizes every detail of my life.  Like Mother Teresa quoted once, "God has not called me to be successful, he has called me to be faithful."  So that is what I decide to do every morning: I try to live my faith to the best of my ability.  I always felt like you didn't have to have to quote scripture to someone to spread the Good News, you can spread the Gospel in your everyday life through your actions and how you treat your neighbor.  Live your life like Christ, and remember what Jesus reminds us in Matthew, "Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." (Matt 25:45)

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter!  I hope between all the colorful Easter eggs, bunnies, and baskets filled with goodies we all remember the reason we celebrate this day. 
#NothingButTheBloodofJesus

       

Bohemian Rhapsody or the Gospel?

I read an article on al.com today about a traveling evangelist, Kerrigan Skellly, that appeared at UAB today to "spread the gospel".  According to the article, (which can be found here ) he stood outside the library, wearing a hat that said "Obey God", spewing his "good news."  Students didn't take too kindly to his ministry and began to serenade him with Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody to drown out his message. Good Lord, this is somewhat funny, but can't we all just get along?  However, there was a quote in the article that made me laugh out loud at his arrogance.  When one student noted "We are all sinners"; he replied "True Christians don't sin." He then indicated he was not a sinner anymore and that "he didn't sin everyday."  Really, dude?  Get it together; this is why people don't read the good book.  This isn't attracting people to church, calling people fornicators and telling them about "the filth in their hearts." These people, like Mr. Skelly, choose minimal parts of the Bible and use it for hate and miss all the consistent messages which if you have forgotten are love, compassion, kindness, humility, and generosity.

I am currently reading The Ragamuffin Gospel, and I actually thought about mailing it to Mr. Skelly since he seems to be the one who is lost.  Brennan Manning, the author of The Ragamuffin Gospel, speaks of what Jesus did for us in very direct terms because what he did for us is simple in context.  He died where we could live, and live abundantly.  However, as Mr. Manning points out we can't accept what he did for us.  We are ragamuffins beaten down, tired, and hopeless, and we think we have to earn our salvation ("obey God"). We crave rules and rituals to ensure we are choosing the good path, the path that will win us God's favor. What we don't realize is we already have won God's favor the second we came into relationship with him and nothing can change that.  Jesus has been waiting "with bated breath" for us to accept him as our personal saviour.

I sat in my office Monday reading on my lunch break a chapter in Mr. Manning's book, Freedom from Fear, and I needed to read that chapter that day.  It was like he knew my inadequacies, my fears, my insecurities, that passed through my head everyday.  He leads into the chapter with a good quote, "Assured of your salvation by the unique grace of our Lord Jesus Christ."  He later adds these words are "wonderful" and they are; aren't they?  But still many of us live in fear, I know I do.  We know God loves us unconditionally, but we can't move past our own fears.  He mentions all the "what if" questions we ask and worry about on a consistent basis:

"What am I going to do if I do not find a spouse, house, job, a friend?  What I am going to do if they fire me, if I get sick, if an accident happens, if I lose my friends, if my marriage doesn't work, if a war breaks out?....

Yes, some of the scenarios will probably never happen, but Mr. Manning notes when you start this line of questioning you've chosen to live in a house of fear.  However, if you choose faith Mr. Manning notes you can live in "a safe place right in the midst of our anxious world", you can be free from worry.  Sounds simple, but we continually choose to live in the world outside the safe house and are full of anxiety.  We try to numb the anxiety with alcohol, drugs, money, religion, relationships; anything to avoid our reality.  The reality is that we are trying to find our way home. We are locked out and just can't find our keys.  Fortunately, God has extra keys, and all people have to do is "ask and the door will be opened." Everyone can walk inside and choose freedom over fear.  It just sounds too easy, doesn't it?   Just to walk inside, just to accept it.  There must be rules to earn this type of freedom, but even the apostle Paul stated "no human being can be made upright by keeping the Law"
God craves your love not your good deeds.  In The Ragamuffin Gospel, it notes what Jesus would say to you every morning, the pep talk he would give you-

Has it crossed your mind that I am proud you freely chose Me, after I had chosen you, as your friend and Lord? Proud that, with all your warts and wrinkles you haven't given up? Proud that you believe in me enough to try again and again? 

So Mr. Skelly, apparently unbeknownst to you,  we are all sinners and we do have to try again everyday. And don't forget, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matt 5:5).  His arrogance is not quite how Jesus approached sinners.

"The gentleness of Jesus with sinners flowed from his ability to read their hearts.  Behind people's grumpiest poses and most puzzling defense mechanisms, behind their arrogance and airs, Jesus saw little children who hadn't been loved enough and who had ceased growing because someone had ceased believing in them. His extraordinary sensitivity caused Jesus to speak of the faithful as children, no matter how tall, rich, clever, and successful they might be." 

What if everyone approached people with the compassion Jesus showed others?  The man who ate with sinners and helped everyone he could regardless of who they were.  The man who preached of love and generosity.  This is the Jesus I know, this is my friend. So Mr. Skelly, you missed the mark with your poor evangelical tactics, now someone might not get to hear the real gospel, come to know the real Jesus.  And that's a shame......


Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Most of the quotes in this post were taken from The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. (#readit)

My Soapbox on Autism and Vaccinations

I recently read that Kristin Cavallari (the girl from Laguna Beach and The Hills) is choosing not to vaccinate her children.  She thinks it will cause her sons to have an autism spectrum disorder.  She quoted "one in 88 boys now have autism" and added that's a "scary statistic".  Here we go again, another Jenny McCarthy.  Just when we thought we had finally got her to zip it about vaccinations and "recovering autism".   Actually, Ms. Cavallari the CDC just released some new statistics this week and now it is 1 in every 68 children.  Are you really scared now?

You know what I think is scary?  Preventable diseases killing children because their parents are scared their children might "get autism".  I read a recent article from the Parents website (http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2014/03/18/to-the-max/scary-vaccine-realities-you-cant-argue-with/?socsrc=pmmfb1403219 ) and it noted some true scary statistics.  6.6 million children under 5 die every year.  1.5 million of those children die from an infectious disease, a vaccine-preventable disease.  So what's an infectious disease? Pneumonia, diarrhea, whooping cough and measles (just to name a few), these are diseases that children are dying from in other areas of the world.  Polio is still disabling people, a disease that is unheard of in the good ole U.S. of A.  Why? Vaccinations.  The Parents article noted mothers in Mozambique rarely name their children until they get vaccinated, not wanting to become too attached until their child is here to stay, until they can get those shots.  The same shots people in America choose not to get.  I wonder what Kristin Cavallari or Jenny McCarthy would say to that African mother who would give anything in the world for modern medicine, medicine that would save her child's life.  Their truth is their children can die if they don't get these vaccinations.  This isn't a choice for them, but a privilege.  They just want a child that is alive and healthy.  How arrogant we all sit in America with our modern medicine and all our comforts! Infectious diseases are not a joke.  If you choose not to vaccinate your children, you are not only putting your child in danger, but you are putting your community in danger.  Infectious diseases that were previously eliminated can and will return if Americans choose to create a generation of children that are not vaccinated against these diseases because they were scared stiff that their child might "get autism."

I think I should note here I am speech pathologist that works at a pediatric diagnostic clinic.  I see children on a weekly basis that have delays, disorders, chromosomal abnormalities, and syndromes, some you have probably never heard of.  Over fifty percent of the children that come to our clinic are seeking an autism diagnosis.  What I have learned is most people have no idea what autism is.  Just because your child lines up cars and prefers to play alone, doesn't necessarily mean your child has autism.  Just because your child has a severe cognitive impairment that causes them to have repetitive behaviors doesn't mean your child has autism.  My favorite is I have chosen not to discipline my child; therefore, he displays lots of negative behaviors that surely must be caused by autism and not my lack of parenting.  Autism is a spectrum disorder so it presents differently in every child.  There is no special "test" that guarantees your child has autism.  There are only assessments that specifically look for certain characteristics of autism to determine if your child's difficulties meet the requirements of an autism spectrum disorder.  Therefore, I think I should add, I believe autism is incorrectly diagnosed often by people who are not qualified.

You probably can now say you know someone affected by autism.  But you probably knew someone already.  Think back to that person in high school or that person you work with or used to work with.  They might have been socially awkward or very shy and aloof.  Something was different about them, and you couldn't quite put your finger on it. They probably were on the spectrum, they were just never diagnosed.  Why?  Medical professionals didn't know what to call it back then.  There was not enough research.  Now autism is a hot topic so more money and resources are now available, now we can diagnose it better.  So are we really wondering why so many children are now being diagnosed? It's not vaccines and gluten for goodness sakes!  I think I should add here if you take your child to a pediatrician that connects autism to vaccinations, turn around exit and get another doctor because obviously he has no sense.

Let me end with a story about a doctor.  His name is Andrew Wakefield.  He published a paper (not a study), linking the MMR vaccine to autism in 1998.  It was a big deal so other doctors started to research this topic; however, they didn't quite find what Dr. Wakefield found.  In fact they couldn't find any link, leading to the conclusion there is no link.  His study was discredited; it was a fraud.  However, it was too late.  People had already stopped vaccinating their children.  This man put a bug in people's ears and they foolishly believed him.  A doctor who I might add is currently barred from practicing medicine. Please watch the video below for more information about this paper:

I can't tell you what to do with your children, but educate yourself.  I don't have any children, but I don't know what I would do with myself if my child suffered or possibly died from a disease that I could have possibly prevented with something as simple as a shot.  I see "autism" on a weekly basis, and it is not scary, trust me, it's not.  Infectious diseases are.  Vaccinate your children.

My Life Should Be a Sitcom

I thought everyone could use a smile this Wednesday......

I sit in a bar by myself waiting on my blind date to show up.  (Yes, in an effort to find my person I have resorted to blind dates.) So I sit at the bar waiting for my date to show up, drinking a beer, texting.  I think I should add here I'm not a big texter.  I typically mentally respond in my head and never actually take the time to respond via text.  I think I am just old enough to not be a part of the text message bonanza that has taken over all forms of verbal communication.  I was texting my friend joking about the dreaded "blind date situation", the awkwardness of it all.  Most blind dates are bearable, few are noteworthy.  At least, this has been my experience thus far.  As she noted some horrible blind dating experiences, she jokingly added her theory was to go out with anyone that was offering a free meal. At that same moment my date text to indicate he was almost there and trying to find a parking spot.  I responded to him then went back to my conversation with my friend, indicating I had actually set up the date because he never would get around to asking me out.  Let me be more specific, my text said something along the lines of:  "Lord, I set it up because he kept beating around the bush, so I'll probably have to pay " and then added another text, "To top it all off he's 3 years younger than me".  I also added a hasttag "#cougar"" and for good measure I added a winking or smiley face icon.  I can't remember because I have tried to block the ensuing fiasco from my mind.  After a few moments, I get a text from my date...."Huh?" Then it hits me...... I accidentally sent him those texts! I never switched back to my friend. Oh, sweet Jesus! Is this really happening?  Is this my life?

Complete  mortification sets in when I realize what I had done.  I think the term "I could die of embarrassment" was made for situations just like this.  Then I realize I have to leave; I can't face him, not after those texts.  Decision made; I'm leaving.  I fumbled around and sent a very apologetic text, explaining the situation along with my embarrassment.  Then I went to grab my purse to leave, I couldn't face this dude.  That was it.  However, just like my incredible luck I turn to leave and he is tapping me on the shoulder.  Mother F......you know what!  I'm stuck with this guy for at least an hour who probably thinks I'm a shallow bitch, just how I wanted to spend my Tuesday night.  AWESOME.  At this moment I realized my love life is slowly becoming a sitcom and all I could do was laugh......

I'm pretty sure I offended him, but I have to say he took it somewhat in stride even ending the meeting with, "We should do this again."  Dude, we're probably never gonna see each other again and, trust me, I completely understand why.  At least I have humor in my life, right?  Note to self, never text again while waiting on a blind date or better yet don't go on blind dates for a while.  The bright side is last night I met my quota for embarrassment and social awkwardness to last the rest of the year. Hopefully......

Happy Hump Day! :)

Pity Party for One

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just cannot get it together? This week was that week for me.  I usually have a happy disposition, but I started this week with a cloud over my head.  No reason why.  Life has ebbs and flows, and I could feel an ebb coming.  When Tuesday came I woke up irritated.  As I got in the car to go to work I turned on the radio, and Beyonce's Single Ladies blared out.  I typically like this song and would sing along with it.  However, today I didn't want to "put my hands up".  I thought about Beyonce singing about singleness, and it made me mad.  As we all know she has been married to one of the richest men in America for some years.  She has a ring on her finger that is worth more than most people earn in their lifetime.  She takes elaborate vacations with her husband on private yachts which are staffed to meet their every whim.  I guess I should add at this point I will be 32 years old in a little over a month, and I am single as single can get.  No prospect in sight.  I guess Beyonce would be proud because all the men that would've put a ring on it, I'm not even a glimmer in their eyes.  I took your advice Beyonce, but don't quite feel liberated.

I hate those quotes about strong, single women.  The worst are the ones from Carrie Bradshaw.  Don't get it twisted, I love Sex and the City, but enough already.....

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.  Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."

"The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes.  That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun."

Give me a break, Carrie.  I don't need an expensive pair of shoes as a consolation prize because I haven't rounded up anyone to marry me.  A pair of shoes won't make me coffee in the morning, console me when I have a bad day, or go out to eat with me on a Saturday night.  And for that matter I'm not "wild" or do I need to be "tamed".  I'm just trying to find a normal man?!  I'm more along the lines of Charlotte, "I've been dating since I was fifteen.  I'm exhausted.  Where is he?!"

I guess I have no one to blame, but myself.  I fell in love with the wrong people.  People that just weren't right for me.  All my 20's spent with people who simply just didn't want to marry me.  I read a quote one time that remarked, "If you are digging a hole in the wrong place, digging it deeper isn't going to help."  Boy, does it not.  I should of cut ties earlier when I knew something just wasn't right.  I shouldn't have held out hope that things would change, because I blinked my eye and everyone I knew was married.  I blinked again and I was holding my friends' adorable babies.  Then, I looked around and there were no single ladies around for me to go out and commiserate with, I was in this "single world" all by myself.  I am happy beyond measure for all my friends, but here lately I have felt like the last single person in the state of Alabama.  Did my person got lost in the mix somewhere?  Anyone out there,...hello? And to top it all off I just don't have the energy to date anymore.  It's text messages and Tinder.  I don't even know what to do. Everything about dating someone new sounds miserable, horrible, dreadful (and any other bad adjective), but alas I am back at square one.

So a pity party for one has occurred all week long which included a break down in the car on I-65 on the way home from work one day.  No reason, just because sometimes you need to cry and get angry at God.  And I did.  We had a good conversation in the car on the way home about what was going on in my life, and we finally sorted things out about the time I got home.  But then things took a turn for the worst. (You literally can't imagine my luck...) It was a beautiful day that day so I decided some sunshine would do me good.  Cheer me up. I gathered up my golden, Lucy, and headed to the park which proved to be the worst decision ever.  I pulled in the parking lot only to find my EX-boyfriend with his NEW girlfriend out for a run.  Really?! On the day I feel like the last single person on the Earth, this is thrown in my face,  I mean seriously?! Throw me a bone here.....good grief!   #lastpeopleIwantedtosee  I didn't even get out of the car.  I was on the phone with one of my friends, sputtered a lot of four letter words and then turned the car around and went home.  I think this incident pretty much confirmed the day was dunzo. One of my best friends always says, "Don't let the Devil steal your joy!" well he did that day.  And well played, I must say.  However, the Devil won that round, but the game isn't over yet.  I read a quote once from Marilyn Monroe that said, "She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad."  And this girl knows how to be happy.

Happy Sunday, I'm off to church to get some much needed Jesus!  I hope everyone has a good week! Good Lord knows, I am ready for a new one :)

And You Still Want to Have Children?

I went out last night to celebrate St Patrick' Day.  Now let's define what "going out" means. Depending on your age it could mean a variety of things.  When I was in college it meant dressing up with your best friends while drinking cheap beer (because you didn't have money to spend at the bar) and then heading out for a night which began at approximately 10:30 pm and ended in the wee morning hours.  I wouldn't take back those years for anything in the world, but now a night out for me consists of dinner, two drinks, and me yawning by 1100.  Also when you reach your 30's the night doesn't just end when you go to sleep it carries over into the next day when you wake up dehydrated and/or nauseous with a headache from hell.

This was pretty much the scenario last night.  Going out also reminds me of my age which is evident by the women and men much younger than me.  As my friend and I sat on the patio of a trendy new downtown bar we watched packs of young girls come in dressed to the nine.  They were all several years younger than me, but all managed to have Tory Burch and Michael Kors purses.  I watched a girl that appeared to be all of 23 years old that was dressed as if she had planned her outfit out of the pages of Lucky magazine tote in a $350 Michael Kors bag. ( I know this because I look at this bag every time I go into Belk, from afar, because I could never, ever, bring myself to buy a $350 handbag.)  $150 yes, but not $350.  Yes, I am sure this girl's daddy bought her this handbag because if she had actually earned the money, the credit card wouldn't swipe so swiftly on the purchase.  This is my competition I thought.  Younger, prettier girls that obviously come from money.  Great...

Even so we were actually having an enjoyable time until I was approached by someone.  Which on any other day would be a good thing because I rarely get approached.  I hear people actually get asked out in bars, but this never seems to happen to me.  I could tell from the get go this one wasn't a keeper (mainly because of his very awkward nature aka "no game whatsoever"), but I humored him when he told me I didn't look a day older than 27.  The first strike came when he told me he was a doctor at UAB.  After I asked him what kind, he told me he had a PhD in something.  Oh....pet peeve.  Then you're not a doctor! The only doctors in my book are medical doctors.  If you can't operate on someone you are not a doctor.  You're an expert on the topic, but not a doctor so please don't refer to yourself as one in social settings. Then it came, he eventually asked me how old I actually was.  When I told him, he followed it up with, "And you still want to have children?"  Really? Seriously dude?!  I'm 31, not 45.  Thank you for reminding me of my biological clock.  I really don't think about it near enough.  At that point he told me a bunch of more random things about himself (which I didn't care to know), he was a divorcee with two kids, 16 and 13, and kept wanting to give me random high fives at various points in the conversation. Then ended it with,  "We should exchange numbers."  Oh, good Lord have mercy.....  What about this scenario makes you think we should exchange numbers?!  When he went to go get a pen to get my number (Yes, he actually was going to write my number on  napkin like it was 1995) we left.  As my friend took me back to my car I wondered are they any just any average, normal people left or am I left with 41 year old divorcees? I really don't want to be a stepmother.  Is it too much to ask to want to be married to someone that has never been married?

Seriously, I really don't want a lot, but as I enter into my 30's, I realize the things I want seem to be hard to come by.  If I had to make a personal ad it would go something like this....  In search of someone who is good (and by that I mean someone who loves God, who is kind, thoughtful, compassionate, tolerant, and hard-working).  Someone who laughs everyday at as many things as he can. Someone who is gainfully employed. Someone who is familiar with the term "savings account".  Someone who knows how to have fun, who enjoys a drink or two (but just not 6 or 8). Someone who enjoys the little things in life.  Someone to drink a cup of coffee with in the morning.  Really, just someone whose favorite place in the world is right beside me.  So applicants are welcome, but for now I will just dodge middle-aged divorcees and hold out hope my prince charming is just around the corner.  Maybe my ovaries will hold out....maybe. :)

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone, and don't forget to wear your green tomorrow!

It's No Kind of Religion At All......

Lent is upon us.  I am not Catholic and have never really participated in Lent.  However, I thought now is a good as time as ever.  I felt like I needed to give up and add some things to my life to focus on what Jesus did for me.  Therefore, I decided to give up soft drinks, not caffeine, just soft drinks.  Let's face it I would have a raging headache everyday about 300 if I gave up caffeine.  Also, I decided to pump the brakes on worrying.  I, by nature, am not an anxious person, but I can worry with the best of them.  I worry that I left my hair straightner on in the morning.  I worry about my mother's blood pressure.  I worry that I won't ever get married.  I worry that my ovaries will be too dried up to produce a baby if I ever do get married.  I worry that I am not a good enough person.  Like I said I can worry with the best of them.  Therefore, giving up worrying is next to impossible with me.  So I decided to worry less.  I know as a Christian person worrying is useless because we know the answer.....everything is going to be OK.  We are sinners, every single one of us, but fortunately for me and you we have a loving God that sent his Son to die for us.  Jesus took what we all deserved so we could have abundant grace.  If you really grasp that, if you really accept someone died a horrible death to save you.  You are forever changed. 

I wish everyone could feel that comfort and peace that comes with that realization, but I think present day Christians go about spreading the gospel the wrong way.  This was evident when I went to Mardi Gras last weekend.  I saw a lot of self righteous people spreading hate and judgment down Bourbon Street, standing in groups spewing hateful message from their bullhorns, and it made me sick to my stomach.  How ashamed Jesus would be I thought to myself and looked at them with disappointment.  We quickly forget, Jesus did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.  As I walked back to my hotel I saw a lone evangelist by himself with a sign that said, "God is Love".  He had no bullhorn, and he smiled sweetly at me as he handed me a booklet that just simply had a printed smiley face that read, "Jesus loves you."  I went to bed with hope that some people out there still preach the message that Jesus speaks of in the gospel.

I recently read a very interesting theory in a Tim Keller book, Jesus the King. (I would highly encourage you to read a Tim Keller book no matter your stance on Christianity.  It is worth your time.)  Mr. Keller reveals that there are typically two types of people in life.  The moralist and the self-discoverer.  The moralist believes in traditional values and follows all the rules that religion sets to be a "good person."  While a person on the self-discovery path feels they must decide what is wrong and right for them.  The moralist says, "The good people are in and the bad people are out.  And of course we are the good ones"  The self discoverer says, "The progressive, open-minded people are in and the judgmental bigots are out.  And of course we are the open-minded people."  Both theories are self-righteous.  Often progressive, open-minded "urbanites" disdain religious, moralistic people who look down on others.  Mr. Keller points out the irony that the self-discovery approach leads to just as much superiority and self-righteousness that religions do.  Mr. Keller emphasizes the Gospel does not say the good are in and the bad are out; the open-minded people are in and the judgmental are out. What it does say....

"The humble are in and the and the proud are out.  The Gospel says the people who know they're not better, not more open-minded, not more moral than anyone else, are in, and the people who think they are on the right side of the divide are most in danger."

I think I will end with an imaginary conversation (which I also read in Jesus the King) between a new Christian in Rome that explains Christianity well.

Neighbor: I hear you are religious! Great! Religion is a good thing.  Where is your temple?
Christian: We don't have a temple.  Jesus is our temple.
Neighbor: No temple? But where do your priests work and do their rituals?"
Christian: We don't have priests to meditate the presence of God.  Jesus is our priest.
Neighbor: What kind of religion is this?

The answer is it's no kind of religion at all.  It is the gospel, and it's a gift that is freely given to anyone that asks for it.  No matter what religion you practice, what rules and rituals your church sees fit to practice.  That's religion, but the gospel is a gift. No matter who you are or what you've done.

If you gave up something for Lent, good luck, and hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Happily Ever After

I read an interesting article this week on The New York Post's website entitled, "The Science of Happily Ever After".  (You can find the article here: http://nypost.com/2014/02/02/for-real-long-lasting-love-the-no-1-trait-to-seek-is-niceness-expert/ ) With Valentine's Day fast approaching I figured the article would once again talk about finding true love and how wonderful life is once you find your "other half"; however, it was actually a very blunt article about finding a love that endures. I will turn 32 years old in just a few short months; therefore, I will take any advice I can get on how to achieve the "happily ever after" even though I have long since realized life and love are never quite like fairy tales.  I used to have time frames and deadlines, but those all went out the window a while back when I realized happiness and joy is a choice you make every day.  I choose to be a happy person.  I choose to recognize how richly blessed I am.  I'm already happy, but who wouldn't want to share all those happy moments with someone, particularly if he's cute and funny. ;)

So the article discusses how to choose a partner that will produce a long-term, happy relationship.  Specifically, it lists qualities to look for in a mate and personality traits one needs to avoid.  So what is the best personality indicator for sustaining a loving relationship?  Drum roll.......  Agreeableness aka "the nice guy".  The article specifically describes the nice guy below:

"Agreeableness, one of the Big Five personality traits in the Five Factor Model of human psychology, describes someone who is “courteous, flexible, trusting, good-natured, cooperative, forgiving, soft-hearted and tolerant.”

Well...thanks, I think I knew this, but why do most women often steer clear of these characteristics.  Why do women not just choose the nice guy?  It's "the list".  They get out that list and begin checking qualities he doesn't have than lose sight of all the good qualities he DOES have.  This article points this out, noting people are just too picky and suggested people should pick three qualities they really value in a mate, the ones that are not negotiable.  However, the author then states even three qualities are hard to find in a potential partner; "The more traits you pick that are above the average, the lower the statistical odds that you’ll find a match. And three is the tipping point."  The article then bursts my bubble indicating if I want a somewhat attractive man, that is over 6 feet tall, and makes the average income my chances are 1 in every 100 men.  What the hell?  I am getting older by the minute and live in the great state of Alabama where everyone gets married at the ripe old age of 27.  My choices are already limited, kick me when I'm down. :)

So the question is, "Are people too picky?" Do people just not compromise? Is that why the divorce rate is so high because people just aren't getting everything on their "list" from their partner?  A surprising statistic the article notes is 80% of people still believe in soul mates.  Really?! I don't get people that think there is only one person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD that is meant just for them. It just doesn't make sense to me.  What happens if you meet your "soul mate" at 22 and then they die one year after you get married.  That's it? No second chances?  I can't buy into that.

Another statistic mentioned in the article is 90% of people will marry in their life. (So there is hope for me yet.)  Then the Debbie Downer only 3 out of 10 people will find enduring love in their relationship.  So what are qualities that should be thrown off the table when assessing your mate? Attractiveness and money.  Like Judge Judy says, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever."  I knew that already.  You are the only one that has to think the person is attractive. Let's be honest we can't all marry Ryan Gosling.  The article also notes money helps to an extent then results in extra stress and social pressures.  Like Biggie said, "Mo money, mo problems." So looks and money both can be temporary, but personality traits are often there to stay, so look for the "agreeable, nice guy".  Plus, the article notes agreeable men are often better in bed since there are typically kind and thoughtful.  So ladies nice guys should finish first. ;)

So what does the article say to avoid, the worst trait that will ruin a relationship.  "Neurotocism or someone prone to anxiety, depression, embarrassment, emotional instability and insecurity."  Reportedly, neurotic people tend to never be satisfied with their relationships, constantly worry, and typically break up with their partners (particularly if their mate is not a neurotic person).  Note to self, avoid neurotic people from this day forward. 

So the moral of the story is look for the nice guy, compromise, and avoid self-centered, neurotic people and you might just end up with a love that lasts.  I think I will end with my favorite quote from the article:

"A grown-up love story should not be a fairy tale or a romantic tragedy, but instead should be approached as a mystery.  If the goal is to find the truth in love, to search for love that is real and enduring, then love cannot be left to fate.”

Hope everyone has a good Valentine's Day tomorrow! Make sure you tell someone how much you love them (even though you should everyday)!

FYI:  Lots of the quotes and stats were taken from the book: The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love (Ty Tashiro, Ph.D)

Life Without Facebook, Part 2

So I did it.  At the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day I deleted my Facebook app from my iPhone.  I was not able to see what everybody did to celebrate the new year.  However, life did go on without this knowledge.  Then on New Year's Day I decided to deactivate my account.  As I logged in it took me some time to even find out how to do so.  However, I did find the instructions.  After reading what was necessary to deactivate and reactivate your account, I realized that you must use your login email to reactivate your account.  My login email is my Auburn University email account that has been inactivate for years since I am over 30 at this point.  (Yes, I was on Facebook when you actually had to be enrolled in college to have an account.) I have tried to change my primary email, but it never works for some reason.  My mind began to wonder and I thought what if I deactivate my account and I am not able to reactivate it, losing my Facebook profile to the world wide web forever. (slight panic attack) Therefore, I decided to attempt to change my email once again and just leave my account active.  I mean I do have self-control for God's sake.

Unfortunately, my email address did change this time and now it will taunt me with messages, indicating I have notifications and unread messages. What?! After the third email indicating this, curiosity took over.  I had to find out.  Curiosity killed the cat.  As anticipated it was nothing of any relevance.  I did have several people express disappointment that I was leaving which was flattering, but I actually felt more contentment  knowing that people actually read the stuff I post and find it somewhat interesting!  Also so many people have confided in me that they too are addicted to social media. However, I've learned social media doesn't control you unless you let it.  It isn't bad to log into Facebook at times.  It is bad to have to look at it constantly throughout the day, wasting time that could be spent actually enjoying life.  In fact, Facebook actually helped when the Snowpocalypse happened last month.  When I was stranded in my office, Facebook helped me more than anything to determine what roads were safe to travel.  So the moral of the story is I needed to pump the brakes on MY Facebooking, BUT it turns out I was the problem and not Facebook. Here are some suggestions (well some are pet peeves) to help social media NOT control your life.

• Delete the Facebook app from your phone.  I still don't have the app on my phone.  You don't need it.  Plus, you won't look at it during boring meetings at work, while in traffic (don't act like you haven't), or any other opportunity throughout the day.  Plus, you won't get those annoying notifications tempting you to check your Facebook.
• Swear Facebook off at work.  Some employers ban it, smart move because if you have a job like me where you sit in an office you look at it too much.  Has it increased my productivity at work?  I don't know about that; I am a pretty good procrastinator.
• Resist the urge to share every Instagram picture you take with Facebook. (Guilty as charged!)
• If you do login only look at people you really care about, block people from your Newsfeed you don't.  No one wants to see someone you randomly knew in college taking an elaborate European vacation, someone who comments on every stupid social issue, or your ex having so much fun in his new relationship.
• You don't have to read every single BuzzFeed.  I secretly believe the devil made that site up to kill productivity.
• Resist the urge to like every single status you see.  I never really did this, but I see some people that have liked every single status on my Newsfeed. WTF? You don't really like all that or either your the most optimistic person on the planet.

• Don't friend people you don't know.  I mean when did Facebook become My Space? Sorry, I'm not going to add you as a friend just because we grew up in the same vicinity or because we have three mutual friends.  I need to have actually met you in person to add you as a friend.  I see people with 1000 friends on Facebook and I'm flabbergasted; I don't even know 1000 people.

• Stop wishing people Happy Birthday that you barely know.  I have a test for you.  Compare how many people call or text you on your birthday to your Facebook Newsfeed.  Those are your real friends.  You know the people that remember your birthday by memory not because the right side of your Facebook reminds you.

• For the love of everything good, stop posting close-up pictures of your engagement ring with the caption, "I said yes!" #petpeeve

• Last, but not least.  If you are in a happy relationship with someone I, too, am happy for you.  However, I have a small suggestion for you.  Text them, call them, or just tell them in person about your feelings.  Don't communicate your feelings over Facebook, that is unless you are 16 then this is acceptable.  If you are over the age of 20 no one needs updates on your "soul mate". 

Have a good day everyone and see ya on Facebook! (Just not as often.)