No posts in a long time, but not to worry I still have stuff to say. :) After work today I had to run to 280 for some errands. I was standing in line at Starbucks, when I saw a couple out of the corner of my eye that was obviously in an argument. She was mad and he was trying to dig his way out. I wondered what the mistake was that was made, what caused the hurt feelings. Then in my mind, I thought, which I think more frequently than not here recently, "I am glad I am single." I got my tall iced coffee with room for cream and headed home to an empty house with the windows rolled down and a smile on my face.
Single people are often pitied. "Oh, don't worry you will find someone." These comments used to bother me, I mean really bother me. Like my life wasn't important, significant because I wasn't coupled off, haven't reproduced. Lets take a deeper look. Yes, I do come home to an empty house. However, once I am at home I do whatever I want. If I am hungry I eat, If I want to take a nap I sleep, If I want to go out I go...I pretty much do whatever I want, whenever I want. Not a bad gig and certainly not worthy of pity. Now I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to have a companion, a best friend to share my life with me, but I am pretty darn happy all by my lonesome. I haven't realized a lot during my short life here on earth, but I have realized that happiness is definitely not a destination. It's a choice you make everyday when you get out of bed. Just because you are alone, doesn't mean you're lonely. Don't wait on events, people to make you happy. When I get married, when I have a baby, when I make more money....why not just be happy now? My questioning in my head has changed here recently. It used to be "I wonder if I will ever meet someone?" Now it is "Do I want to get married?"
I am not very good at relationships, this is a fact, hence my single status. I have tried to be one way and the other way, none of "my ways" seem to work. Then the inevitable break up occurs, which flipping sucks. Along with the hurt feelings, comes anger. You are so angry that things didn't work out and you feel like a big fat failure. You will tell anybody and everybody about how you were "done wrong". Guilty as charged, just read my blog. Another thing I am guilty of is doing some of the wrong. There are no innocent parties in break ups, each party carries some of the blame. You think back about the things you shouldn't have done, things you shouldn't have said. Eventually, the anger fades and you can recall the good times, those times you smiled. You realize that people fall out of love, change their minds, or just change into a person that doesn't think you are the one. Sometimes you change your mind, sometimes you're not the one "changing". There are lots of things in this life that you have no control over and how someone feels about you is one of them. So someone thinks you are not the one, the world doesn't stop and "it is what it is".
Things eventually work out in the end, BUT sometimes in the back of my head I see myself in a rocking chair on a front porch and sitting next to me is a handsome man. I see us sitting there every Sunday afternoon while the sun goes down and we never run out of things to say to one another. Now that is a happy thought.....
