Dating in Your 30s: 101

I am 32. I am single.  Did I think this would be my life as a little girl? No. I will say, I was never the little girl that dreamed of princess dresses, lavish receptions, and 10 bridesmaids.  Nor did I dream for a man to take care of me where I could stay at home with two babies on my hip.  I'll admit it, I don't notice cute babies in the grocery store and the mention of a "save the date" card makes me cringe.  However, I did think that at the age of 32 my life would look different.  I've been dating my whole adult life.  I feel like I have put adequate effort into the search, but something always seems to not quite add up with each of my boyfriends, and I've had a few.  The one who was your best friend; that one you haven't seen in years and you hear that song on the radio and you wonder what he is doing and if he ever thinks about you.  The handsome one; the one you liked immediately, the one you could never get enough of, the one you smile when you think about now. The one that spoiled you because he thought material things would make you like him even though he could tell you didn't.  The picture perfect guy; the one you really should have liked because there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, but you couldn't make yourself.  The one who broke your heart and makes you think twice about falling in love again; that one who didn't love you as much as you loved him.  I have had my fair share.  So the million dollar question is: How do you meet someone when you are in your 30s?

1. You have to make yourself go out on the weekends.  I love when my married friends tell me, "I don't see how you do that anymore!" Trust me, I would love to sit on my couch, order pizza, and watch redbox, but my dog doesn't talk back to me and that scenario isn't going to find me a companion. So, yes, you get lonely and you go out.  
2. Next, you have to find someone to go out with which is a chore within itself because all your friends at this point are married off with kids.  So you might have a couple of friends that are still single with disposable incomes (if you are lucky) or you go out with your coupled off friends that have yet to have children.  Being the third wheel, the fifth wheel, the seventh wheel, is always a desirable position! #NOT  It is fun at times, but when everybody gets to go home with someone at the end of the night and you don't, not so much.
3. Once you round you up someone to go out with, you have to find the place that people your age actually go so you can have an enjoyable time.  An enjoyable time does not include loud music and waiting 15 minutes for an overpriced drink.  Once you and your friend/s actually get out, I will admit the scenario usually goes like this:  You will have a couple of drinks and most likely no one will approach you, then you will go home.  Once you get home, you will take off your make-up then spend time analyzing your wrinkles on your face and wonder how much longer you have before you get gray hair and need Botox in your forehead to even give the impression that you are still young and viable. Let's be honest men in their 30s don't date 32 year old women; they date 27ish aged girls, ones that don't know the definition of crow's feet or thought about their biological clock.
4. So you are not having any luck with people approaching you out; therefore, your friends will suggest you meet someone at work.. That's a great idea for some, not for me.  I work with all women.  Seriously, three men work with me, all of which are married.  The next feasible suggestion would be go out with the girls for happy hour, you might meet someone! See you are forgetting, most of my work friends have children that they must pick up, dinner they have to fix, homework they have to do, sports practice, etc.  Happy hour is not a priority when you have  found your happily ever after.
5. Older people love to tell you to go to church to meet a nice boy  Actually, I do go to church, but no one has ever had a "Come to Jesus" moment and asked me out in church.  Usually what will happen is you will walk in and the usher will ask you who you are meeting.  (Thanks for reminding me I'm alone!) Your response: "No, I'm not meeting anyone."  Word to the wise once they figure out you are single, they will sit  you in the most awful place in the whole sanctuary.  I guess couples or families only get to sit on the aisle and in the back.  You're single?  Let's give you a seat way up in the front and in the middle of the pew.  And don't even try to got Sunday School or Bible study.  You're too old for the "young professional" group when you are in your 30s, but you can't go to any of the 30s groups because they are all for married couples! I literally searched for a Sunday School on my church's website the other day and came up empty handed! I put in my age and martial status in the search engine and it responded with "no results".  So basically, if you are in your 30s and single in the Bham area, good luck!  You're better off studying the Bible at home.
6. Go on a blind date.  They are horrible, but it is an option.  My blind date stories are too hilarious and many to even mention, but I have to tell one.  I ran into a guy that I had  unsuccessfully went on a date with a couple of weeks ago at the same bar, with the same outfit on, with another girl basically sitting in the same spot approximately one week after we went out.  As I walked to the bathroom, I just shook my head and smiled.  He will forever be known as the "date outfit guy".  Though, the best is when one of your friends tries to set you up with someone that they themselves would never go out with, but they think y'all would be the perfect match. #ohplease  Just because I'm getting older doesn't mean anybody can fill the significant other position.
7. Last, but not least online dating.  You will be at your house on a Sunday afternoon, by yourself, probably torturing yourself by watching some Hallmark Channel or Lifetime movie where everything turns out perfectly and you will see the commercial.  You know the one.  The one where the handsome couple looks like they are having a great time on their date.  You think that could be me and you join as you think about all the things you and your new boyfriend are going to do on Sunday afternoons.  The reality is there are a lot of normal people on online dating, but a lot of crazy people too.  A couple of weeks ago, a 63-year old man sent me a message with only one sentence, "You look delicious".  I vomited a little bit in my mouth.   A) You are old enough to be my grandfather. B) You are overweight and have a mustache which is gray. 3) You live in the middle of nowhere Mississippi.  Nothing about this scenario makes sense.  Needless to say that is why they make a block feature. 

I read a quote recently that stated: "Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it."  So what do you do in the mean time when you're walking alone?  You go out on Friday nights and drink $9 glasses of wine, you go to Target and TJMaxx and buy all the things you really don't need, you spend time with your parents, you read the Bible more, you go to nice restaurants and buy $25 entrees and dessert just for good measure, you help out your friends, you stay out late on Saturday nights, you buy Starbucks lattes, you celebrate with your friends when they find their mate, you throw baby showers, you put extra money in the offering plate, and you take vacations and trips even if you have to go by yourself to see things that take your breath away.  This life is so full of beautiful things I have yet to see and people that I have yet to meet.  So while I do have a little extra time and money in my pockets, I'm gonna do as much as I can because one day maybe I won't.  All you can do is lay down at night, say your prayers, and have faith that somewhere there is someone that is also wondering where you are, waiting for you to walk into their lives.

My Religion is Better than Yours

When I scroll through my Facebook feed I often see the piñata that everybody likes to hit, Pastor Joel Osteen.  I have occasionally watched Joel Osteen sermons and read several of his books.  Are they deep theological studies? No, not by any means.  I realize them for what they are, self-help books.  Books that focus on positive thinking and choosing joy versus self pity and hopelessness.  I read an article recently from a fellow pastor revealing his thoughts on Osteen, "There are worst things than being happy and encouraging."  Yes, there are I thought to myself as I chuckled.  Our God is good all the time, and as the scripture points out multiple times he wants you to fulfill your purpose and live life to the fullest.  So Mr. Osteen doesn't miss the mark completely when he says God wants you to he happy.  People just confuse what "happy" means which isn't "prosperity", a big house, immediate gratification, nice things, and answered prayers (typically in the fashion that we planned out in our head).   To live a true Christ-like life one must suffer, just like Jesus, to be the person God intended them to be.  I know I will have trials and periods of suffering in my life, but that doesn't mean God is punishing me or forgotten me. Nor do I believe when I am good, God rewards me with material things.  I attempt everyday to be good person because of what Jesus has done FOR ME.  I am forever in his debt.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

The Gospel and religion are not one in the same.  The Gospel is what Jesus Christ did for you so you could have eternal life.  The Christian religion is just how you choose to recognize and celebrate that fact.  You might sing hymns acapella in an old church, you might say prayers in unison, you might raise your hands while you listen to contemporary music played by a full band, or you might sit by yourself on Sunday morning and read your Bible.  Worship is all those things, so which one is right?  ALL OF THEM.  I just wish people would stop questioning the way people choose to worship and celebrate people coming together to praise our Heavenly Father.  We are all his children, how we quickly forget and point the finger....  I don't like Joel Osteen, he preaches that "prosperity gospel".  I don't like Joyce Meyers, she is a woman and should not be preaching the word of God.  I don't like this church because they have contemporary music and meet in an auditorium.  I don't like TV evangelists.  You shouldn't christen you child; God only accepts people that have been fully submerged in water.  You should take communion every Sunday.  Women should be submissive at all times. Don't go to church there because they let homosexuals attend.  And the list goes on and on..... 

We cannot see the forest for the trees. Stop worrying about others and rejoice in the fact Jesus came to save us all.  That's right, anyone and everyone.  All those that are burdened and need rest.  Even those "horrible sinners", which in case you have forgotten is every one of us. "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)
Stop worrying who is praising God the correct way.  "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20).  So you might not like TV evangelists, but what if just one non-believer turned on the TV and heard a message and decided to accept Jesus Christ into their hearts or decided to go to church the next Sunday.  Would it not all be worth it so that one extra person is given eternal life or would we still be worried about the motives of the person preaching the message?  Reminds me of a parable Jesus taught from Luke:

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

I would rather be the redeemed sinner myself....