Pity Party for One

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just cannot get it together? This week was that week for me.  I usually have a happy disposition, but I started this week with a cloud over my head.  No reason why.  Life has ebbs and flows, and I could feel an ebb coming.  When Tuesday came I woke up irritated.  As I got in the car to go to work I turned on the radio, and Beyonce's Single Ladies blared out.  I typically like this song and would sing along with it.  However, today I didn't want to "put my hands up".  I thought about Beyonce singing about singleness, and it made me mad.  As we all know she has been married to one of the richest men in America for some years.  She has a ring on her finger that is worth more than most people earn in their lifetime.  She takes elaborate vacations with her husband on private yachts which are staffed to meet their every whim.  I guess I should add at this point I will be 32 years old in a little over a month, and I am single as single can get.  No prospect in sight.  I guess Beyonce would be proud because all the men that would've put a ring on it, I'm not even a glimmer in their eyes.  I took your advice Beyonce, but don't quite feel liberated.

I hate those quotes about strong, single women.  The worst are the ones from Carrie Bradshaw.  Don't get it twisted, I love Sex and the City, but enough already.....

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.  Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."

"The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes.  That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun."

Give me a break, Carrie.  I don't need an expensive pair of shoes as a consolation prize because I haven't rounded up anyone to marry me.  A pair of shoes won't make me coffee in the morning, console me when I have a bad day, or go out to eat with me on a Saturday night.  And for that matter I'm not "wild" or do I need to be "tamed".  I'm just trying to find a normal man?!  I'm more along the lines of Charlotte, "I've been dating since I was fifteen.  I'm exhausted.  Where is he?!"

I guess I have no one to blame, but myself.  I fell in love with the wrong people.  People that just weren't right for me.  All my 20's spent with people who simply just didn't want to marry me.  I read a quote one time that remarked, "If you are digging a hole in the wrong place, digging it deeper isn't going to help."  Boy, does it not.  I should of cut ties earlier when I knew something just wasn't right.  I shouldn't have held out hope that things would change, because I blinked my eye and everyone I knew was married.  I blinked again and I was holding my friends' adorable babies.  Then, I looked around and there were no single ladies around for me to go out and commiserate with, I was in this "single world" all by myself.  I am happy beyond measure for all my friends, but here lately I have felt like the last single person in the state of Alabama.  Did my person got lost in the mix somewhere?  Anyone out there,...hello? And to top it all off I just don't have the energy to date anymore.  It's text messages and Tinder.  I don't even know what to do. Everything about dating someone new sounds miserable, horrible, dreadful (and any other bad adjective), but alas I am back at square one.

So a pity party for one has occurred all week long which included a break down in the car on I-65 on the way home from work one day.  No reason, just because sometimes you need to cry and get angry at God.  And I did.  We had a good conversation in the car on the way home about what was going on in my life, and we finally sorted things out about the time I got home.  But then things took a turn for the worst. (You literally can't imagine my luck...) It was a beautiful day that day so I decided some sunshine would do me good.  Cheer me up. I gathered up my golden, Lucy, and headed to the park which proved to be the worst decision ever.  I pulled in the parking lot only to find my EX-boyfriend with his NEW girlfriend out for a run.  Really?! On the day I feel like the last single person on the Earth, this is thrown in my face,  I mean seriously?! Throw me a bone here.....good grief!   #lastpeopleIwantedtosee  I didn't even get out of the car.  I was on the phone with one of my friends, sputtered a lot of four letter words and then turned the car around and went home.  I think this incident pretty much confirmed the day was dunzo. One of my best friends always says, "Don't let the Devil steal your joy!" well he did that day.  And well played, I must say.  However, the Devil won that round, but the game isn't over yet.  I read a quote once from Marilyn Monroe that said, "She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad."  And this girl knows how to be happy.

Happy Sunday, I'm off to church to get some much needed Jesus!  I hope everyone has a good week! Good Lord knows, I am ready for a new one :)