be curious, not judgemental

photo source:  http://weheartit.com/entry/14351776

Walt Whitman said it best, "Be curious, not judgmental", but let's be honest, we all judge.  I know I do.  I judge people at work, people at the grocery store, and I hate to say it, even my family and friends.  Why do we judge others?  I think it is because we don't understand other's feelings or actions.  We never stop to think maybe they don't understand ours.  Accepting other people for who they are, why is that so complicated?

Judgement comes at you from every aspect of your life, but especially when you are dating someone.  Everyone has that mental checklist in their head.  The checklist that determines if your significant other passes the test and gets to be "the one".  Of course, I have the checklist.  However, looking back at the people I have fallen head over heels in love with, they stray far from my checklist.  So the questions is:  Do you have to meet certain requirements to be "the one" or when you fall in love does the checklist become void?  Furthermore, is it realistic to assume there is someone out there that meets every single one of your requirements?  After much thought and consideration,  I have determined there is no perfect match, because no two people are exactly the same.  How boring would that realtionship be with two people that think exactly the same on every single thing and never ever get in an argument....that just doesn't exist.

In a relationship judgement can be harsh.  If a stranger assumes something about you, who cares! They don't know you, but it is a little different when your partner judges your actions and feelings. Then it is personal.  Everyone likes to be right, no one likes to wrong.  So when should you compromise?  How much critisism can you give your partner before it is just plain mean?

I know I have been judged in previous relationships and it doesn't feel good, but, on a postive note, at least you know where you stand. Here is my laundry list of characteristics that prevent me from being "the one":
you're too quiet
you're too calm
you're not reassuring enough
you're not affectionate enough
you don't go out enough
you're uppity
you go to the wrong church
 you believe the wrong things
you don't wear the right clothes
you're too trendy
you're inappropriate
you flirt too much
you're too liberal
you're selfish
you're indecisive, and, yes, the list could go on and on....

Geez....when you write them all down like that, I really do sound like a winning catch, don't I? ;)

Relationships are not "rainbows and butterflies" they are hard work.  There comes a time when the honeymoon period is over, the rose colored glasses are off and the realization is made there are differences.  Should we try to make it work or go our separate ways?  The decision is made to move forward and then the compromising begins. 

Women are so easily persuaded to compromise all in the name of "love", so eager to please their mate.  If he doesn't like that outfit I just won't wear it, no big deal.  He doesn't like it when I talk to him, I just won't do it.  I mean I love him.  He is the only one I want to talk to anyways.  I am not that affectionate, but he is insecure so I need to make sure I show him how much I love him.  Now hold on a second before we jump to the conclusion "all men are pigs", let's think about.  Do men (and I will clarify most men) ever ask you to change?  Looking back at previous realtionships my ex-boyfriends never asked me to change, I did all this changing and compromising on my own accord, all by myself!  Yes, I am a big girl :)  Women just have this fairytale in their head.  If you love someone you should be willing to work on your relationship and then he will see how hard you're trying, and fall more deeply and madly in love with you.  As we all know fairytales are for children not "big girls" (though I think the majority of women have yet to realize this)

You can compromise your wardrobe, your personality, your beliefs, but that does not guarantee acceptance.  The moral of this story is sometimes you are just never "adequate" and I have to say inadequacy is up there for the worst feeling ever.  The truth is somtimes you just aren't enough for someone, you will never meet their requirements, and there is not enough compromising in the whole entire world that will change that simple fact.  Thought I would end with some words for thought....

photo source: http://weheartit.com/entry/21305883

Proverbs 10:12  Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.