"I'm engaged!" The overwhelming excitement that comes from others when you speak those words is unlike anything I have experienced in my life. I am 34 years old. I've graduated from college, obtained a masters degree, and bought a house all by my lonesome, and I have never received the same praise and excitement. It was like I was finally in their club. A sigh of relief from some. "Oh good. She won't be an old spinster." In their head silently analyzing, "She might even have time to have a kid or two, even though she is nearing the dreaded advanced maternal age." For me, it just felt like other people confirming that I was going to marry Hank (aka my fiance). I knew I was going to marry him for quite some time, now, everybody else was just in on the secret. And by the way I hate the word fiancé. Someone needs to come up with a better word; it sounds so obnoxious.
The proposal was not romantic, which fits my personality. I am not romantic, always finding grand gestures of love, Valentine's Day, red roses, poetry, etc., silly and useless. I'm more of the "let's love each other every day as much as we can" type of gal. It was a regular Friday, other than the fact I had just learned I might possibly have to buy a brand new HVAC unit and was extremely irritated. I was standing in my kitchen unloading the dishwasher, and I turned around to see Hank standing there with a ring box saying, "Will you marry me?" I remember my first words were, "I don't even have on make-up!" After explaining he just couldn't wait any longer, I got around to responding that yes, of course I would. I put on the ring and looked at it. The first thought in my head was, "Am I old enough to marry someone?" I mean there are people my age who have multiple children and have been married 10+ years, but I didn't feel old enough to be engaged. I wore the ring on my hand for about an hour before I even decided to call someone. I felt the same. You think you will suddenly feel like an adult, but you don't. I am beginning to wonder if I ever will.
I'll admit it that Sunday, I got on Pinterest excited to plan a wedding. I looked at venues, dresses, flowers, etc., thinking about my small wedding with my closest friends and family. That excitement lasted approximately a week, then it became stressful and dreadful and expensive. Like crazy expensive, like who has this kind of money and who would spend it on just ONE DAY. I remember logging on to one of those wedding websites one day, and it informed that the average wedding in Alabama costs approximately $27,000. Some people make $27,000 in one year; they have to work a whole year to make that. Geez Louise, people are insane! Just to rent the venue alone is a pain in the ass because to find one that costs less than $5000 is a task in itself. Oh, you think just get married at home. Well then you have to pay a busload of vendors to come out to your house to set up which in turn does not save you any money. Just FYI I checked. Then after you finally book the venue, there is a whole other laundry list of things you have to book; I mean the list is freaking never ending. (Note: thinking about starting a business, just put "wedding" in front of it and you can charge people twice as much.) I got engaged the first week in January, by the beginning of February, I went to a bridal shop with one of my best friends to browse a sample sale. When we arrived we were given a number and told to wait in a line about 20 girls deep. We looked at each other surprised, but sat down. After sitting for 30 minutes and not one person had budged, we decided to call it quits and went to the coffee shop across the street.
I remember looking at those girls with all their extended family members, so excited to try on gowns. I, on the other hand, had on a flannel shirt, my hair in a bun, and the mascara I wore from the night before. Something is wrong with me, I thought. I should be excited. I shouldn't be thinking of my grocery list. I should want to try on dresses and plan my wedding, but the fact of the matter is, I just don't.
I just don't want any if it. I don't want a $5000 gown. I don't want a $1000 cake. I don't want to pay someone $500 to do my hair and make-up on my wedding day. I don't want 8 bridesmaids. I don't want to be the center of attention; I don't want a "fuss" made over me. I don't want save-the-date cards or elaborate invitations. I don't want to walk down an aisle with everyone gazing at me; in fact, the thought of it is causing me anxiety now. When you tell people you do not want the aforementioned things, they don't believe you. "You want a wedding." "You will regret it." "You've never thought about your dream wedding? Even when you were a little girl? Really?" "Aren't you excited?" No, I'm not excited because I'm planning a party for 150 of my closest friends and family, and I don't have time to be excited. Alas, here I am planning a wedding for everyone else. I told someone the other day the sooner you realize your wedding is more or less a party that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with everyone else, the better off you are. You are essentially buying dinner and drinks for your closest friends and family, and after the realization that the wedding is just a small piece of this party, things don't seem that bad. So, I'm going to have a wedding, not a $27,000 wedding, but a nice wedding. It is exactly what I thought it would be? No, absolutely not. I would marry Hank at the courthouse tomorrow with an ear to ear grin.
However, big wedding or small wedding or no wedding, I win either way. I found someone to marry that adores me, and that is the hard part. Everything else will fall into place, it always does. Right? If it doesn't, just lie to me at this point.
Sincerely,
A Woman Missing the Bridal Gene
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